Sunday, 8 December 2013

Interior Monologue: Letting Go

Letting go of something, or someone, is one thing that a lot of us dread doing, even when it's obviously the best thing for everyone. When you love that person so much it hurts to not be with them, it's almost as if you want to slap yourself silly with a wet fish, screaming, "What is wrong with you, you idiot? They're the best thing that ever happened to you!" Except they're not, or else why would you be letting them go?

But that's the thing about ending a relationship. You know you need out and that this is the best thing to do and all that bullshit you've already told yourself ten thousand times, but it's just so difficult to put all those words into actions and actually do the right thing. You imagine them to be heartbroken, and perhaps even burst into to tears or get angry with you. After all, you've both invested so much only to get...this. An unhappy ending, til the next time. It's one of the scariest things you have to do, and so you just keep leaving it, and leaving it, and before you know it you've left it a month and you still can't make it to their door to give them their stuff back that they left at yours and set you both free.

"I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy..."

That's what you keep telling yourself, yet you're still here, curled up with your comfort food, wrappers scattered all over the carpet, watching some crappy TV show that bores you to tears but is still better than going out there to face the music. It's like they're your safety blanket, except they make you feel vulnerable and needy.

So what's the point in going 30 on this motorway? Either way you'll be reaching the same destination. It's just a lot safer for everybody to get there sooner rather than later. Surely...

1 comment:

  1. Very introspective and beautifully written Claire. Sometimes we find ourselves when we let go...

    ReplyDelete

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