Sunday, 29 December 2013

Check out the LUTheatre Christmas Proteus video!

I actually starred in it this time (please excuse my awful acting)! And if you missed my first appearance where I did a pirouette with a chair, take a look down here:

Keep smiling!


Saturday, 28 December 2013

Things I hate about Christmas

So it's all done and dusted for another year. Christmas 2013 has been put to bed and we're just left with the leftover chocolate, booze (if you haven't already finished it all), and the last few days to come up with New Year's resolutions that we'll stick to for all of twenty four hours, if that. So now that the dust has somewhat settled, I can be honest and tell you all the reasons why Christmas goddamn well sucks while cradling my box of Maltesers.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. But there are plenty of things that dull the sleigh bells if you ask me.

1) Christmas Shopping
I'm not even getting onto the whole "Crap, what can I get what's-his-face for Christmas?" with this one yet; that can have a point all to itself. What I'm talking about is the shopping. I hate shopping any time of the year because of all the people, but Christmas shopping is a whole different kettle of fish. There are too many damned people on this planet, so for everyone to be shopping - stressy Christmas shopping - all at the same's chaos. And I really cannot stand it. I usually try and get my Christmas shopping done by about October, but this year I've just been too busy with deadlines and I ended up in the wave of horror. They're getting in your way; you're getting in their way. You're apologising and excusing yourself, and they're huffing at you because you're the "ignorant youth of today". I could go on and on about how the so-called adults can be just as rude, if not more so, but that would bore you all to tears. And me.

2) Education
Who the hell came up with the bright idea of high school/college/university getting more intense as Christmas nears? I want to slap them about with a wet fish. Come December 1st, you can always be sure that my friends and I will share a look and a common thought: "Oh bugger." I miss my primary school years where I could be genuinely excited about Christmas because homework was this thing that we hardly ever faced, and when we did it was to read this ten-page book, or learn the three times table. From as soon as you leave high school, you find yourself to be less like this:

 photo Christmas_zps262c6f7c.gif

...and more like this:
 photo Deadlines_zpsf6c68a1d.gif

It's depressing as fudge. Do you know how many all nighters I've pulled already this academic year?

And yes, it took me hours to do these animations because I kept getting distracted by how much revision I have to do!

Yes, that's another thing! You can't even breathe a sigh of relief once you handed in that last assignment of the year because as soon as you get back to university come January, you are smashed in the face by a thousand hammers known as EXAMS. It's like, "Hey, you've all worked so hard, so enjoy your Christmas break...NOT! You have exams the week term starts - byyyyyye! Mwahahahaha..."

Butt trumpets...

3) "What do you want for Christmas?"
As you get older, you have to really wrack your brains to come up with an decent answer to that question. When you're five-years-old you have a list that reaches the floor with toys and rubbish you would use for ten minutes and then dump under your bed to collect dust. But when you get to about fourteen, it all becomes this stressful question that you dread to ask and dread to be asked. Everyone's stressing out because it would make Christmas shopping a heck of a lot easier if we all knew what to get one another, but the problem is we don't know what we want for Christmas. It's a vicious cycle.

Just give me money! I can put it in the bank and use it towards my rent!

4) Some friends
Not all friends.

So the situation follows on from the last point: you don't know what to get your friends, they don't know what to get you. You've been round all the shops painfully searching for THE present, and you're so proud because, gawsh - they're gonna love it! You're sure of it! ...Well, as sure as you can be.

And then you open the present they've gotten you. They've known you for years, and they've bought you something tacky you wouldn't be caught dead with. A few plastic bracelets, or a pair of white socks with hearts on them. Have they given you the wrong present? I mean, these socks are size 13 for goodness' sake! Nope, that's your name on the tag. You've been screwed over.

There's also when you've put in all that effort into getting a pricey present for a friend you don't see very often, and they open it in front of you, and that look of disdain comes onto their face. "Oh, I already have one of these," they say. Oh, well rats, I wish I'd wrapped up that bit of roadkill I found on Newton Road instead. At least then that look you gave me would've been worth it.

Christmas really makes you wonder who your friends are.

5) Wrapping presents
I hate wrapping presents. Some people are really good at wrapping presents, then others are like me. I still wrap like a child. 'Nuff said. It's just awful.

6) The weather
Snow, wind, rain...I just hate it all. And I live in England, which means that for all but two weeks of the year we have just that. It's like, "Surprise! Rain!" except not surprise at all because this is the United Kingdom for goodness' sake! "Okay we'll stop the rain now...and give you hail! Yay!"

I hate the cold so much.

7) Washing up
Now, the part I look forward to most about Christmas is the food. Golly, tea around Christmas time is like... You eat like a king. You're more stuffed than the turkey! I love it!

What I hate, though, is the amount of washing up that needs to be done afterwards. It's a nightmare. I hate washing up, but at Christmas there's just so much more of it! Washing up will be the death of me, unless I can afford a dishwasher before that day of doom.

And that's about it. All the things I hate about Christmas. I actually don't know how people survive December. But despite all the bad things, there are a heck of a lot of good things that make Christmas not only the most stressful of holidays, but also the best.

So what do you guys hate about Christmas? Let me know!

Oh, and keep smiling!


Friday, 27 December 2013

This had nothing to do with me!

But seriously, I hope everyone is okay. Love to all in Argentina, especially to the little 7-year-old who had to lose part of her finger. I'm sure she was very brave despite everything. Kids usually are.

Thursday, 26 December 2013

Belated Christmas Wishes!

I hope you all had a wonderful day! Did you all get everything you wanted?

I'm a very happy bunny - my mum and brother bought me a toolbox and socket set. Who needs the Doctor when you have the Engineer?

But seriously, what did you guys think of the Doctor Who Christmas special? Personally I felt it was really poorly written, although the ending was rather beautiful. But ever since Matt Smith came aboard the TARDIS, I feel like the writing has fallen to...well...shit. Some of the River Song moments have been quite good, and I quite like Clara, but overall it's just not up to the usual top notch I've been used to with Doctor Who. Or is it just me who feels like this?

Away from Doctor Who, I hope you're all having a wondering time with family and friends, and I'm looking forward to seeing you all in the new year! 2013 has been a good one; bring on 2014 as far as I'm concerned!

Keep smiling!


Sunday, 8 December 2013

Interior Monologue: Letting Go

Letting go of something, or someone, is one thing that a lot of us dread doing, even when it's obviously the best thing for everyone. When you love that person so much it hurts to not be with them, it's almost as if you want to slap yourself silly with a wet fish, screaming, "What is wrong with you, you idiot? They're the best thing that ever happened to you!" Except they're not, or else why would you be letting them go?

But that's the thing about ending a relationship. You know you need out and that this is the best thing to do and all that bullshit you've already told yourself ten thousand times, but it's just so difficult to put all those words into actions and actually do the right thing. You imagine them to be heartbroken, and perhaps even burst into to tears or get angry with you. After all, you've both invested so much only to get...this. An unhappy ending, til the next time. It's one of the scariest things you have to do, and so you just keep leaving it, and leaving it, and before you know it you've left it a month and you still can't make it to their door to give them their stuff back that they left at yours and set you both free.

"I'm not a pussy. I'm not a pussy..."

That's what you keep telling yourself, yet you're still here, curled up with your comfort food, wrappers scattered all over the carpet, watching some crappy TV show that bores you to tears but is still better than going out there to face the music. It's like they're your safety blanket, except they make you feel vulnerable and needy.

So what's the point in going 30 on this motorway? Either way you'll be reaching the same destination. It's just a lot safer for everybody to get there sooner rather than later. Surely...

Sunday, 1 December 2013

I can't get out of bed!

It's time of year again where I have loads of deadlines to meet before I finish the semester for Christmas in two weeks' time, and on top of that I also have to apply for industrial placements for next year. Yet a relationship is getting in my way. My relationship with my bed.

It's 14:10 and I am still in the sack, feeling disgusted with myself but unable to leave the warm covers and face the day...and pile of work I have to do. My laptop, instead of sitting on my desk, is sprawled upon my lap, and my pillows are bunched up behind my neck so that I can see the screen. I'm acting like a slob, and it's bloody gross.

How is one supposed to leave this sanctuary and force one's self to make each and every day a productive one, when all one wants to do is take a break now as opposed to in two weeks' time?

To be fair, I blame my bed for being so damned comfortable!

Saturday, 23 November 2013

I'm a vulcan, cheeseballz!

So I briefly mentioned in my last blog post that I had something I wanted to share with you guys once it had been set completely in stone, and the day has come for me to tell you (finally!).

It's quite a funny story in the fact that it started at one of my shifts at the hotel I work for (oh, the cliché waitress wanting to become something bigger...), completely out of the blue. Not to mention the fact that I'd been begging God beforehand to make it so that I didn't have to do this goddamn shift! I kind of find it near enough impossible to say no to a shift if I know I can make it, even if I have loads of work to do. Luckily, this one particular time it was worth me saying yes to, and not just for the money...

Okay, I know I'm teasing you, I'm sorry.

Basically I was helping with a function and one of the gentlemen there had had one glass of wine too many, and tried guessing where I was from and what I was studying at university. And when I told him I study Aerospace Engineering he completely sobered and said, "It's funny you should say that, because all joking aside I'm the PR for Vulcan to the Sky Trust", and he gave me the offer to work for the trust there and then!

For those of you who don't know, the Vulcan to the Sky Trust is a charity sponsored by companies like BAE Systems, and operate the last flying Vulcan bombers that were used by the RAF between 1960 and 1993. The whole thing started off as just a £1 bet in a pub, and now the charity have been flying the aircraft in air shows all over the country for what will be six years in the summer. Unfortunately, either 2014 or 2015 will be the last time the Vulcan XH558 flies, and so this is a fantastic opportunity that will never come around again.

I wanted to wait and make sure that I definitely was going to get this experience before telling you guys, especially after how excited I'd been about that internship I was offered in India last year that never came about, and now I know for sure it's gonna happen!

Today I went to the Vulcan hangar in Doncaster to meet the other trustees, crew and volunteers of the trust, and guess who ended up falling in love:

The Vulcan XH558

"The Spirit of Great Britain"
Isn't she a beauty!

A long story short, today was amazing, and I am truly in awe of what these people have done and carry on to do. I can hardly wait to start working with the team next month.

In the meantime, I'm going to be brushing up on my Vulcan history by reading this:

Hope you're all having a great weekend, and I'll be sure to post sometime soon (hopefully with a short story or something!).

But for now, keep smiling!


Sunday, 3 November 2013

Happy Diwali!

Ten minutes left to finish this post? Challenge accepted!

So I just want to start off by saying: Happy Diwali everyone! For those of you who don't know, Diwali is the one of the most important festivals of the year for Hindus, and signifies the triumph of good over evil. My friends and I went to have a gander at the lights in Leicester, and it was really quite beautiful to be a part of. There were rows of lights and fireworks, and completely different to how our holidays such as Easter and Christmas are celebrated. It was really lovely.

Martin, Natalie, Connor and me
Natalie, me and Sneha.
In the temple you were able to get your name written on the Rangoli decorations.

Would some of you agree with me when I say that I feel we don't make enough effort to celebrate our holidays as a community?

On another note, Halloween was AWESOME this year! Partially to do with the fact that I wasn't ill like last year! I've got some pictures of my two different costumes (because Halloween was over three nights just to make up for last year):

So yeah, I was a very happy bunny this year. I hope you guys also had a good Halloween, and that you actually made an effort unlike some (ahem, Connor!):

My super awesome friend Dan let him borrow his mask 'cause Dan is SUPER AWESOME.

Dan is a babe.

So- Oh goddammit, I've gone over my time limit! Oh well, it's still Diwali somewhere in the world!

Oh! And I have some really exciting news to share with you guys soon. Not yet, because I want to make sure everything is confirmed first, but I can promise you soon, and that it's really fantastic!

Welp! Next stop, Bonfire Night! Who's with me?

Keep smiling!


A Letter Not To You (Part Two)

Sometimes I really hate you. You're so fucking perfect, yet you're blind to how much you affect me. Can't you see that since we got together - no, since BEFORE we got together - I've been a complete mess in front of you? You break and mend me all at the same time when we are together, and when we are apart you just hurt me. And what makes it even more painful is the fact that you don't even seem to realise what you're doing to me. I have been reduced to the most needy creature in the world, and it's disgusting. I think of you every second of every day; I wait in anticipation for the text you never send and the call you never make. I have to restrain myself from bombarding you with more messages when you don't reply straight away, and I just hate how I am now that you're in my life again.

I don't understand this effect you have on me. I was always so laid back about relationships and wondering why the guys I dated were always so clingy and unable to allow me to be myself. And then you came along and my world came crashing down around my ears. You never contact me; I feel like I'm making all the effort in this relationship as we so call it. You make me feel desperate and needy for your love and I can't stand being like this. It's not the way I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be the selfish bitch who has no heart and now you've caged it like it's one of your pets. Sometimes you don't reply to me at all and I find myself in a mental war with my brain and that stupid fucking organ that signifies love:

"Should I text her again?"

"No, you've texted her already. She'll reply when she's not busy."

"But that was over six hours ago. Should I Facebook her?"

"No, she'll reply. Stop seeming so bloody desperate. Pull yourself together!"

"But she isn't replying!"

Don't you understand? I'm not like those other idiots, yet here I am acting as if I am, all the time. You're the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about at night. It is torture, a torture that you're either too blind or too self absorbed to notice.

I apologise - I know you're not self absorbed. You care so much about your friends. Well...all your friends except for me. We were friends once, babe, remember? We were friends and then we became more than friends, and although that all sounds so simple and hunky-dory, it's not. It's really...really not. Because although I know we are "more than friends"...although I know we are in a relationship...sometimes it just feels as though I'm nothing to you. It feels like you don't care.

Maybe I'm being melodramatic. Perhaps. But that doesn't magically stop what I'm feeling. I am constantly torn between kissing you and breaking up with you, but I know for certain that I love you.

Friday, 25 October 2013

Feeling rather nostalgic...

I accidentally found a musical that I had started writing back in high school, and now I'm reading through it thinking, "This is so beautifully...cringe-worthy!"

This musical, called 'How NOT To Be A Dumbass' (you can tell what phase I was going through!), was my baby about three years ago. I loved it with everything I had, but despite my adoration and dedication to it, my studies got in the way of me finishing it. Looking at the plan I had for it (because high school Claire was super organised at times), I wasn't too far off finishing. I was just struggling to write one of the songs that would then cause the rest of it to basically write itself.

Finishing HNTBAD was once upon a time my greatest ambition, and I am therefore determined to finish it before the end of the year. That gives me two months to juggle this bundle of joy with the tedious amount of working and studying I'm doing this year.

I will do it!

In the meantime, here is the dragged out summary high school Claire wrote about the musical:

"‘How NOT To Be A Dumbass’ is a musical on the issues that teenagers go through, and how the pressure from other peers can make them try to be somebody they’re not, and do stupid things in the attempt to impress everyone else and become popular at school.

The musical tells the comical story of a boy called Joel, who is known as the biggest dork at high school. He’s constantly getting on everyone’s nerves – even the teachers have lost their tempers with him on more than one occasion – as he tries to impress the group of popular kids. The problem is, the more he tries to act cool and ‘badass’ the more of a loser he looks, and the more school bully Danny and his gang pick on him. This really gets Joel at times, and it’s left to Kathy to cheer him up as usual. Kathy is Joel’s one and only friend, and seems to be the only one who can see Joel for the real him: a pleasant and not necessarily stupid lad with a big heart, not the dumbass jerk he pretends to be.

The first scene shows Joel looking out of his bedroom window, watching Danny and the popular kids walk past. Danny notices Joel, and says something to the rest of the group who all look up at Joel and snigger before continuing walking to school. Kathy calls at Joel’s so they can walk to school together, and along the way they awkwardly try to make conversation, but Joel is too busy thinking about how he can become cool and popular. Along the way, Joel spots Lisa with her friends, her giggles sounding very much like the noise a guinea pig makes. Kathy is horrified that Joel can fancy a bimbo like her, wearing a very short skirt and lots of makeup. It gets her down that she’s nothing like that, so Joel will never develop the feelings she’s developed for him.
Meanwhile, Joel catches Lisa’s eye. The two of them smile at one another for a while, until Joel walks into a lamppost. The group of girls giggle at him as he picks himself up off the floor, grins sheepishly and walks quickly away, Kathy tailing after him.

When they eventually make it to school, Joel and Kathy start talking about the maths homework that was due today, and obviously Joel hasn’t done it. The pair bump into Danny and his gang, who exchange a few horrid remarks about Kathy’s geeky ways, and how Joel lacks even half a brain cell. Joel tries to retort back, but his come back makes no sense and just sounds absolutely ridiculous, leaving Danny and his gang laughing in his face as they leave.  Kathy grumbles at Joel before heading off to class on her own. Joel sighs and goes after her.

In the next scene, the bell rings for lunch. Danny and his gang pick on a young girl in the canteen because of how small she is, and shoves in front of her in the queue. However he spots Joel entering the canteen and abandons his space in the queue so that he shoulder shove him out the way and then turn to hurl a load of insults at him before walking away, his gang sneering at Joel as they follow. Joel sighs and goes to sit next to Kathy, who has calmed down since the beginning of school. Kathy tries to help Joel with his Geography homework, but Joel has noticed Lisa and her friends and is too busy staring at her to register what Kathy is saying to him. After a few more minutes of talking, Kathy realises that Joel isn’t listening, and she can literally say anything she wants to him and he wouldn’t hear her. She decides to say aloud her feelings for him, since he wasn’t listening. When she’s finished, Joel finally turns to her and dozily says, “Sorry, what were you saying?” to which she replies, “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” What Kathy doesn’t know is that Lisa heard every word while her friends had been giggling at the gawky look on Joel’s face...

The next scene shows Joel’s year in PE class, boys on one side of the stage, girls on the other. The girls’ PE teacher takes the girls offstage for Netball, while the boys stay onstage, doing football. Danny and his gang start picking on Joel again about his poor football skills. Joel fights back and starts to exaggerate about how good he is, even comparing himself to David Beckham, despite the fact that he is absolutely useless at the sport. Unfortunately for Joel, the other boys don’t buy it, and they challenge him to take a penalty. After a long preparation Joel runs up to shoot, but misses the ball completely and falls flat on his back in the mud. The other boys roar with laughter, but Danny goes over and lends Joel a hand to help him up. Joel grabs his hand, but at the contact Danny recoils and Joel ends up in the mud again. The other boys roar with laughter again and Joel ends up in the middle of a bully circle, being pushed and shoved around, and eventually being shoved offstage, followed by the rest of the boys.

Meanwhile, the girls are playing netball. Kathy catches the ball and is blocked by Lisa. Lisa starts casually asking Kathy about her feelings for Joel, which Kathy denies as she throws the ball to someone else on her team and runs up the pitch to catch it again, Lisa on her tail. Lisa continues the conversation, and tells Kathy to stop denying it because she overheard her spilling her guts to him when he’d much rather it be her. Kathy throws the ball to the ground and tells Lisa to shut up, even though Lisa stands a head taller than her. Play has stopped altogether, and the other girls have formed a circle around the pair. Lisa says some really cruel things to Kathy and basically humiliates her in front of the rest of the class, and Kathy runs away crying, just as the PE teacher walks over. The teacher sends Lisa to her Head of Year’s office.

On her way to the Head of Year’s office, Lisa spots Joel covered in mud on his way to the boy’s changing rooms. She asks him what happened, and when he turns grumpily to speak to her and realises who it is his mouth opens with a funny noise and he finds himself unable to speak. Lisa asks him again, and after a lot of stammering Joel finally explains to her, to which she tells him that she’s on her way to the Head of Year’s office, but doesn’t tell him why. Joel believes it must be fate that they both end up here. Lisa then invites Joel to a party she’s having at her house, and says he can bring Kathy along as well. When Joel accepts the invitation, she continues her way, leaving Joel absolutely ecstatic.

After school Joel goes to Kathy and tells her about Lisa’s invitation, and asks her to come with him, but she refuses. She knows Lisa is doing this to upset her, not because she wants to be with Joel, but she can’t risk losing Joel as a friend by telling him – he’s like a lovesick puppy. Joel keeps begging her and begging her, and bit by bit Kathy softens, and instead of outright refusing she starts making excuses, like she has lots of work to do, and when that one fails she says she has nothing to wear. Joel asks her to go, for him, and at that Kathy finds herself saying that she will go.

Kathy meets Joel outside Lisa’s house. She looks barely recognisable from the geeky girl everyone knows at school. Instead of in its usual ponytail her hair is down, with a few waves and ringlets. She’s wearing a bit of eyeliner that brings out her eyes and a small amount of lip gloss so she still looks natural, and her dress compliments her figure that usually hides beneath the frumpy uniform or hoodie and jeans Joel is used to. Unfortunately for Kathy, Joel’s eyes are fixed on Lisa who he can see through the window, getting really drunk and dancing with all the guys in her living room. Kathy says she doesn’t think this is a good idea, but Joel is adamant that they go in.

When they go in the house, they notice that only the popular group from school have been invited, and they’re the only non-popular people there. This unnerves Kathy, but Joel loves it. He feels he’s finally going up in the world and that he’s being seen in a different light. He doesn’t realise that Lisa only invited them to upset Kathy. Kathy tries to stick with Joel, but he’s too busy trying to mingle with the others, and before she knows it, Kathy’s alone. She decides to sit on the sofa out of the way of everybody.

Joel, meanwhile, has got chatting to some girls. He’s trying to impress them with his dance moves, which are absolutely horrendous, so the freaked out girls leave him. Danny comes up behind him and tells Joel not to try so hard with girls and Joel nearly jumps out of his skin. Joel quickly recovers and tries to muster up a good comeback but again it comes out really lame. Danny smiles and tells Joel he shouldn’t try so hard altogether – people would probably like him for the real him if he embraced who he was. Joel asks why Danny why he’s all of a sudden being so nice to him when at school he’s always so mean. Danny laughs and asks Joel why he thinks. Joel says he doesn’t know, and Danny laughs again. He tells Joel that he has feelings for him, that he’s gay and he likes him. Joel goes pale and tries to get out of the room, but Danny is in the way and has to push Danny away when he tries to move in to kiss Joel. This hurts Danny, who asks Joel if he likes him too, to which Joel answers no really harshly and leaves.

Joel rushes to the bathroom to get his head around what had just happened, but finds Lisa sitting on the floor next to the toilet, leaning against the wall drunkenly. Joel finds a glass next to her and pours her a glass of water, but she doesn’t seem to be awake so he tips its contents over her head so as to wake her up. Pouring her another glass of water, he hands it to her but she just wrinkles her nose up at it and pours the water into the toilet bowl, dropping the glass in as well. Joel rolls his eyes and tries to help her up. As he gets her to her feet, she throws her arms around his neck and starts calling him her hero and rests her head on his chest. He keeps hold of her at the waist in case she collapses. Danny walks in and sees them together like this, and putting two and two together he storms out again. Joel just looks on, until Lisa vomits all over his shirt. And that is how Act 1 ends.

Act 2 starts back at school after the party, and everyone is gossiping about Lisa and Joel. Danny has spread it around that he caught Lisa and Joel together in the bathroom, and has let everyone’s imaginations take over. By lunchtime the whole school has heard the rumour that Lisa slept with Joel, and when Kathy hears it she believes it and is heartbroken.

Lisa is furious when she finds out. She pleads with Joel in front of her friends to put the record straight, but Joel realises that this is his chance to become popular and instead goes along with people’s rumours, much to Lisa’s horror. Her friends want nothing to do with her as they now think of her as cheap and desperate, while the popular lads pat Joel on the back. Lisa glares at him before she storms off, tears in her eyes.

Another person crying is Kathy. As she sits on her own on some steps, she sings a reprise of ‘For Once’. When the song ends, Joel enters, walking past without noticing Kathy. She calls out to him, asking if the rumours are true. He shifts from foot to foot, before stuttering out a “no”. She then asks him if he’s set the record straight to the school yet, and again he says no. She asks him why, then rolls her eyes when guesses that he’s going along with it, which he confirms. At this she starts yelling at him, how it’s not fair on Lisa and how he should tell the truth to everyone right now. At this particular moment, a voice agrees with her and Joel and Kathy both turn to see Lisa entering, white with fury.

Lisa starts to yell at Joel – how dare he ruin her reputation like this for his own selfish need to be popular – attracting the attention from others. She demands him to tell everyone the truth, which he pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about and that they did do the deed. She gets annoyed and then asks him what her tattoo is of on her thigh. Obviously he doesn’t know, and is therefore forced to admit he lied. Everyone is furious with him, and after being slapped by Lisa and her friends, Joel is left alone, apart from Kathy.
Kathy and Joel end up having a bit of a row about the matter, which turns a little more personal when Kathy tells Joel she has feelings for him. With that she leaves. Joel is stunned, and something inside him makes him run after Kathy. When he catches up with her, Kathy starts having a go at him again but he cuts her off by kissing her. The kiss is simple and tender and lasts for about five seconds. When they break apart they realise they didn’t feel the way they should have, and after a few more tries they come to the conclusion that they’re not attracted to one another after all, and decide they’re better off as just friends. Kathy is no longer angry with Joel, and the pair awkwardly shake hands and exit together.

In the next scene Joel goes to apologise to Lisa, but she wants nothing to do with him. He keeps trying however, resulting in her shouting at him in front of everybody again. He starts backing away as if to run away, but then Kathy catches his eye and this encourages him to stand his ground and say what he wanted to say. Everyone is quiet and they watch as Joel apologises to Lisa for all he’s done and for being such a jerk. After a long pause, Lisa awkwardly nods at him and then leaves. Joel hopes that this is her accepting his apology but he’s not sure. But all this is almost forgotten when he sees Danny watching him intently. He starts to approach him, but Danny runs off.

Later Kathy and Joel are walking outside on the school grounds when Joel notices Danny sitting alone, his head down and clearly in distress. Joel tells Kathy he’ll catch up with her and goes over to see if Danny is alright. Danny starts to get up to leave but Joel stops him and sits next to him. After an awkward silence, Joel tells Danny he knows that he was the one who started the rumours about him and Lisa, but he forgives him. Danny snorts in response and says that Joel only forgives him because he got to be the big man for an hour. Joel admits it, but says that that isn’t the only reason he forgives him. He tells Danny he understands that what he’s going through must be very hard to deal with, and that although he isn’t like that he once doubted his sexuality. Danny listens intently and smiles at Joel before looking forlorn again and putting his head in his hands. Joel then asks where all Danny’s friends are, to which Danny laughs and asks what friends. He explains how he came out to one of his closer friends, but he totally freaked out and told the rest of them and now they avoid him like the plague. This makes it even harder for him to come out if he wants to now. Joel tells Danny that he shouldn’t care what people think: he should be him and not listen to people badmouthing him. After all, as Lady Gaga once said, you’re born this way. He then has an idea. He stands up and offers Danny his hand and tells him to get up.

In the canteen, it’s starting to leak about Danny’s sexuality. When Joel and Danny enter, everyone starts whispering, and Danny knows it’s about him. He tries to leave but Joel stops him. Joel then addresses everyone and tells them that although Danny may be gay he is still a human being and still should be treated like one, not some freak. He comes out with a big speech about equality and being born the way you are, and when he’s finished, Danny’s friends go up to Danny and offer their hands in friendship. Danny accepts, and they apologize for being so cruel to him. Some other people go up to Danny to pat him on the back before exiting. Danny smiles gratefully at Joel, and silently words a thank you to him. His friends turn to Joel and decide that he isn’t that bad after all. This eventually leads to another reprise of ‘For Once’, with lyrics of “For once I am a bad-ass” whereas in the original it was “For once I’d be a bad-ass”. After the song, Danny pats Joel on the back and says that although Joel can hang out with the popular lot whenever he wants now, it doesn’t necessarily make him a badass.

The last scene shows Joel lurking in the bushes in the park, watching some of the cool kids smoking and drinking. As he edges around the bushes to get a closer look, he steps on something. He looks down and notices that it’s a gun. He picks it up, thinking how badass it would be to own a gun, especially at school. He daydreams about showing it off at school, however there is a twist of events and he accidently pulls the trigger and shoots someone. This ends his daydream and he decides it isn’t worth it and puts it back under the bush. Unfortunately for Joel, a policeman happens to notice him putting the gun back and comes to the conclusion that it is Joel’s and chases after him. Joel curses and runs away, pursued by the policeman. This ends the play."

Saturday, 5 October 2013

Peanut Butter (Random thoughts #1)

So my mumma really wants me to one day have little chil'rens of my own so that she can be an awesome grannyma like her mumma, but I really can't stand kids because they cry and snot and scream some more, and I cannot deal with the high frequencies they hit. It's like when a teacher scrapes their nails down the blackboard and it screeches and you just want your ears to shut down and pass out because it's just...gah! Why are they doing that? What buttheads! But I can't rule them out completely - kids I mean - because, hey, an heir to Randomada would be pretty cool, right? After all, I can't live forever - who would want to? - so who would get my Salvador Dali clock after I'm dead? But I'm getting nudged closer and closer to the edge of "Sod it! At least I'll be happier without the kiddies!" because GAWSH! Kids are so annoying! There was a little boy of about two or three, and a girl of about seven or eight, on the train from Birmingham to Preston - which is like an hour and a half journey - and it's 7pm I'm so freakin' tired because I've been catching trains since ten to five. And I get that they were probably tired and bored, but they were little nightmares, and the boy kept squealing and screaming, and the dad and girl kept laughing, and the mother was shouting and I actually ended up having to leave the carriage so that I didn't say anything because I was getting so annoyed, as were other passengers. People need to learn to discipline their kids properly, or not bring them to the quiet zone of the train. Or even better, just not have children. It would save a lotta people a lotta headaches.

In the meantime I'm home! My mumma, brother, and dog were waiting for me at the train station, and the dog's tail was going round and round like a windmill he was so happy. And we've since been walkies to the woods near us, but we both gutted because his tree has been cut down, so we couldn't take recent pictures of him up in the tree (because he's a monkey-dog and can climb trees y'know).

And my mum doesn't like my hair anymore because the Hot Purple has now gone all wishy-washy greens and blues, with only bits of purple, so it's a bit like a peacock feather look now. But she doesn't like it. But it's fine. 

And I had a dream last night that I was paintballing with friends, except it was with peanut butter instead of paint, which was fun until one hit me in the mouth, because I don't like peanut butter, so that wasn't nice. Plus it hurt because we weren't wearing any of the protective gear that you're supposed to wear because we are so hardcore and don't need any of that stupid stuff, but really we did because it really freakin' hurt! Ouch!

Now I'm eating homemade soup and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and remembering how Cordelia says some really stupid stuff. Like, "I swear, one of these times, you're gonna wake up in a coma!" I haven't watched Buffy in donkey's years! I forgot how awesome it was until we started watching it in the house with my new housemates in Leicester, and then I was like, "Holy maggots! I used to love this!" So ja, the new house is awesome! I can cook, I'm with people I like and who will actually study as opposed to running and screaming down the hallways all the time, and the kitchen floor is never sticky from spilled alcohol so I'm super happy!

And one more thing: banana.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Man's Best Friend

Kim is my first ever dog, and every day he proves to me that he truly is my best friend. We torment one another, squabble, and when he isn't being a mumma's boy, he'll cuddle up with me on the sofa. He's a pain in the butt, but despite all his annoying habits like wailing all the way to the vets in the car and yapping whenever there's a knock at the door, I really can't imagine life without him.

Unfortunately there are thousands of dogs who are never given the chance to experience. So many are found to be neglected or abandoned by owners who could no longer be bothered to take care of them.

If you have a dog, just go give him/her a hug now and tell them that you love them. Because a dog's love is an unconditional and truly amazing gift.

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Looking back...

I've started having a digital clear out. In other words, sorting through all my files on my laptop and back up disks and getting rid of...well...garbage. And boy, have I found some rubbish; I've already got 1,146 files in my Recycling Bin!

But as much rubbish and duplicates of files as I've found, I have also found a heck of a lot of old memories, and I've come to the conclusion that I was...erm... I've improved with age. And I'm not talking about looks - this photo of the year 7 hockey team will prove that:

See? Still got the gap the size of a Mars bar between the teeth.


The difference between Lil Claire here..........................and Pain-In-The-Butt Claire here is the level of awesomeness they have. Lil Year 7 Claire was...bland. She was a major swot, wouldn't dare say "boo" to a goose, and her fashion was that of a typical person her age. She tried to follow the crowd and so freakin' awkward it was painful. The poor girl didn't understand there was such thing as a food chain in high school and that she was at the very bottom of it. Hell, one of the first days of high school she got called a slut and had to ask one of the popular girls what one was:
"Oh my God, you don't know what a slut is?"
"What is it?"
"It's a tart."
"Oh. Erm...what's a tart?"
Yeah, that popular girl was quite bewildered by how sheltered I was. Did she really think I'd be asking her what a slut was if I knew what it was? Moron...

And then I came across this video from Summer School. Now if there was one thing I wish I could change about myself, it is my inability to talk very well. Everyone goes on how they wish they could change their nose or their legs or some other physical thing about them, but I've always known I was perfect, and that's not ego talking, that's fact. It's just talking I'm useless at. I stammer and trip over my words and...well...I sound like a dufus. It's annoying because I can hear myself and it's just like, "God, Claire, why can't you just say what you're trying to say already?!" and it can be really frustrating, especially when you have to do oral presentations in front of people. Then I watched this video:

First thing's first: how the HELL did we come up with the team name The Goombas? Secondly, the transition timings were awful; you could tell we were a bunch of amateur 11- and 12-year-olds! And finally...holy maggots I was a heck of a lot worse at talking back then than I am now. At least you can actually hear me these days (although maybe that's not such a good thing). I guess I could've been worse; anyone remember Gareth Gates?

Poor lad. I would probably want to stay home from school all the time if my stammer was that bad.

Pain-In-The-Butt Claire started to bloom near the end of Year 9 as she chilled out a little and properly settled down with a group of friends. She started an interest in funky socks, and then before you knew it: BOOM! She evolved into the weirdo everybody knows and loves now! Yayyy!

So what was the actu
Congratulations! Your little innocent Claire has evolved into...this! Eh!
al point in me showing stupidly embarrassing videos and photos of me? I guess my point in this post is that...things change. People change. Sure, I used to be a super-skinny, quiet little kid who denied who she really was so that she could try and fit in with the crowd, but despite us looking the same, I'm completely different to her. Although I do wish I was still as nerdy and motivated as she was at times!

Because people change, it's sometimes a good idea to bury the hatchet with people who have hurt us. Who's to say that they are the same people they used to be? Who's to say they will hurt us again? Maybe they've learned their lesson, or gotten the help that they needed. Yeah, some people don't change their ways and will hurt us again given the chance. If they blow it, fine. But what if they don't?

I'm gonna take my own advice and clear the air with someone who used to be one of my best friends, someone who I have really missed. If there's someone you have fallen out with or just haven't spoken to in a while, sort it out.

God, that got a bit heavy! Here's an old goofy photo of me to lighten the mood. Keep smiling, guys!

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Two-Face is all grown up!

No not THAT Two-Face!

You remember that super cute staffy pup I posted about last summer?

Wasn't she cute?! Well her new owner saw the video and she has messaged me with pictures of her now and how she is doing. Her name is now Lillie (a huuuge step up from the temporary name I gave her) and my, she is beautiful!

I'm so grateful to Joanne - Lillie's owner - for the pictures she's given me, and I hope to keep in contact with her in the future.

Thank you, Joanne!


I had dream last night...

I was a wanted criminal, my crime being the consumption of daffodils. Yes, apparently I ate daffodils and this was a serious offence. The dream got even weirder when I was captured down by the swamp by the beaver police and sentenced to death by having my toes cut off and fed to me. Apparently my toes were extremely poisonous and I died with honey dripping out of my nose.

Then everything went black until I woke up this morning.

I have a lot of weird dreams, my favourite still being the dream where mushrooms took over the world. That was pretty extreme, especially when I got stuck in the gills of one of the giant mushrooms, though I did suffocate and wake up.

If you would like to be kept updated on weird dreams I have, let me know. In the meantime though, here's another Wanted poster:

Keep smiling!


Wednesday, 7 August 2013

My brother is a page 3 model in the paper

I'm just kidding! But he was in the paper today. Page 3. For the past two weeks Matthew has been part of a group helping out in the community through the National Citizen Service (NCS). He's been having so much fun and he always comes home rabbiting on about his day, though I think he just enjoys hearing my ex-boyfriend's stories about his drunken experiences!

Anyway, since Matthew is one day going to be an actor, this definitely won't be the last time I'll be finding his mug in the newspaper. Here's to many more like this one...though perhaps more HD!

Monday, 5 August 2013

The reason I mostly refer to myself as a man

The truth is, a lot of girls annoy me. There is something beautifully magnificent about the female form, but alas the personalities of most I have across result in me banging my head against a wall. Oh the shame of being a woman in a world of pettiness! I both praise and despise them as a gender, and I find myself more and more often referring to myself as a man, or "one of the lads". And it's not just because I'm an engineer that I do!

Before I explain, please understand that this doesn't concern all women. Some women are awesome, and actually do us justice, giving the younger generations someone to aspire to be like. Unfortunately there are others who let the side down, and they are the ones who I am addressing here.

My first point is perhaps my biggest: equality. Women have gone on and on about sexism and how we should be able to vote like men and be paid the same amount as men. And don't get me wrong, I completely agree with that. I can't express how thrilled I am that we have come this far to be considered equals with men. But some seem to take it too far and only want equality when it suits them. How many girls still expect the guy to make the first move? How many girls expect a man to buy them gifts, take them out to fancy restaurants, "look after" them? Call me an utter buffoon, but I thought if it should work one way, it should work the other as well. Not every man is a multi-billionaire that can spoil you with the latest pair of shoes. Sorry. It doesn't mean that "chivalry is dead" or anything like that. So next time you're waiting for a guy to ask you out, try doing it yourself! The worst he can say is "no". Or, if you're one of these girls in a relationship that I've just described, try spending some of your hard earned cash on treating your man for a change - he deserves it just as much as you do. Remember, a relationship is all about giving as well as taking.

"Where are all the nice guys?" They are with all the nice girls, you great...poppadom!

Stop with the gender roles! Stop it! Stop! You are no longer a four-year-old girl who is dreaming of finding her Prince Charming, you are a teenage girl/woman who needs to stop complaining about double standards, because if anyone is enforcing double standards it is those of you who want to have the same rights as a man only when it suits you. Stop it! Please! Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful to those women who fought for years and years to get us those rights. But some girls - and I must stress again that it is that small minority - want it both ways, and they shouldn't. Stop it.

My second point is to do with the terrible moment when I see a girl - more often than not a white girl - who has it all hanging out. I don't care how fat or skinny or tanned you are, please stop flashing so much flesh. It's awful. And what's even worse is sometimes these girls then expect guys to take them seriously! All the guys are seeing - all I'm seeing - are a pair of boobs and a butt. Sorry. It's the truth. If you're not gonna leave anything to the imagination, what else do you expect people to think of you? Have some self respect! Then you have some who have so much make up and fake tan on that they look radioactive because they glow bright florescent orange. I agree, not everyone wants to be as pale as me, and fake tan is a safer option to the sunbed. But some girls look like they been applying it with a trowel. And then in class you can see them at the back, applying MORE make up! I just don't get it.

And while we're on the topic of white girls, I would like to address what has become the stereotypical white girl in a club: STOP MAKING US LOOK LIKE IDIOTS! Squealing and tripping all over the place, spilling their drinks as they wave their arms to "their song", until they get so wasted that they're peeing and vomiting everywhere and pass out on some poor sod who was trying to find his friends so that he can have a good night. During Freshers week at uni I lost my housemates in a club and ended up hanging out with some black girls and guys, and we had so much fun just busting some awesome moves and generally having a good time. I didn't have to help a single one of them into a taxi, whereas one of my housemates the next morning had lost her drivers license and couldn't remember most of that night, apart from the fact that she had a strike on the Chunder Chart. Hmm...I wonder if I would've had more fun with them... Absolutely not!

Girls also seem to both love and hate one another, and maybe this isn't exactly our fault. Ever since we first started nursery/school our parents and teachers have introduced us to the wonderful brutality of competition. We learned that the desired outcome is to be the best: the best at tests, the best at sports, the best looking, whatever. And we still do it several years on, even after we've left school, because after school it's all about having 'the best' job, 'the best' house, and all that jazz. Competition is healthy, but it also causes us to judge people before we get to know them. Even I do it, as much I hate it.

But what I really really REALLY hate is when a person is two-faced, and nine times out of ten it's a two-faced chick. She can be sweet as pie to you, but as soon as your back is turned:

"Oh my God, I heard that..."

Stop it. Why are some girls so manipulative and eager to hurt or put down somebody else? It's cruel, unnecessary, and just plain wrong. You wouldn't like it if someone did it to you, so why do it? Stop.

Okay, this is getting pretty long now, but I really could just keep going on and on. Again, this is the minority of girls, but that minority make the rest of us look like ticking time bombs ready to blow up in someone's face. And don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect (my worst trait is perhaps the fact that I'm so freaking loud; I'm working on that), but I am perhaps closer to being a guy that being one of those girls.

If you guys can think of any other annoying things girls do, let me know in the comments section and I will be sure to check them out. In the meantime though, keep smiling!


Sunday, 4 August 2013

Short Story: Genetics

It was just weird now that it was done. She thought she would be fine with it; after all, they both wanted it to be as close to theirs as possible. But now, as Lisa looked down at the little bundle in her arms she couldn't help but think:

"This isn't my son."

And biologically, he wasn't. It was only legally that he would be hers.


The biological mother - her wife - lay in the hospital bed that she sat upon, the huge grin she'd worn slipping from her face. The biological father - her own father - stood in a corner of the room behind her, his arms crossed as he watched the three of them. And this baby in her arms - her half brother - would be brought up by her and his mother.

"Lisa, are you alright?" Pam's face was a picture of pure happiness, so why wasn't she happy? She had agreed to the arrangement just like Pam and her dad did. But now that it was done...


She needed to get out of there. Before she knew it her face was being hit by the cool fresh air and she was already crossing the main road away from the hospital. The baby started to cry, causing her to jump; she thought she had left him in the ward with his parents. She felt sick as she cooed and rocked him in a bid to quieten him down, but to no avail. He knew she wasn't his mother. She was his sister, just some older sibling who had no authority over him.

And so he cried. He just kept crying. She tried holding him tight against her chest but he screamed as though she was hurting him. Her eyes darted around for the hospital building but it was nowhere to be seen. Where was she? She needed to get him back to his rightful parents. Back to her father. Back to Pam.

His cries were getting louder. He wanted his mother.

"He's not my son. He's not my son. He's not my..."


"Lisa! Lisa, wake up!"

Lisa sat bolt upright panting. It took a moment for her vision to clear before she realised she was in bed and that Pam was sat next to her rubbing her back, her eyes filled with concern.

"Babe, are you okay?"

Lisa nodded as tears rolled down her cheeks. "It was just a bad dream," she whispered. "Just a bad dream. I'm alright."

The two of them settled back down into bed, Pam holding Lisa tightly from behind, and she felt as Lisa sighed and relaxed into her embrace.

"It's to do with the IVF, isn't it?" Pam knew her all so well.

"Yeah, it is."

"It's okay. We don't have to use your father as a donor. When I think about it now, I wouldn't like it if my dad was to do that for us."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly! We can just use an anonymous donor instead. If I'm honest, I'm rather relieved you don't want us to have your dad's child."

Lisa chuckled. "Yeah, we really didn't think that one through!"

"No, we didn't!" Pam laughed.

"But now how are we going to have a child that's both-"

"Don't worry about that; we can work something out. I love you, and that's all that matters."

"I love you too. And Pam?"


"Thank you."


With my right foot!

Am I funny? Am I? No? Dammit!

It looks a little like a six-year-old's handwriting...
But seriously, I am writing a short story at the moment which I should hopefully have finished and posted by the end of the day. It will be pretty short, but it'll be something after the several weeks - nay, months - that I have lacked any inspiration and motivation.

In the meantime, try writing something with your feet! Tweet me your pictures @IBitThePiranha, or email them to me at

Oh, and keep smiling!


Thursday, 11 July 2013

I'm in love

With the weather. (I know what you guys were thinking!)

The sun is out, it's warm, and I don't need to wear a jacket anymore. It's BEAUTIFUL! Though I am now reeeeaaaally sunburnt! Really need to get into the habit of wearing sunscreen again...

It just saddens me that most of my friends would rather stay inside than hang out and mess about in the sun. Yes, it's hot. Yes, we get sunburnt. But hell, we hardly ever get this sort of weather! Let's make the most of it!

I've been dragging my friends out to the parks to try and hold onto my childhood (I still can't believe I'm 19!). To be fair, all this sun can only do me good - I'm pretty much translucent pale!

Hope the rest of you are enjoying your weather! Keep smiling!


Monday, 1 July 2013

Apologies to all

My laptop decided to stop working the last two weeks of university for no apparent reason, and so I've been lacking access to my blog. Sure, I could've gone to the uni library, except I was doing my PIAE at South Leicestershire College in Wigston, and by the time I got back to Halls and had eaten I just wanted to sleep. It was awesome. The whole year has consisted of us being  sat in stuffy lecture theatres, bored out of our brains as the lecturer drones on about complex numbers and constantly makes mistakes. At the college, however, it was all hands on. We got to machines like the centre lathe and the milling machine, and even got to take apart a ford engine (the amount of oil on my hands by the end of it!). I loved it; it was like being back to manufacturing the different projects we did at Carr Hill. I've missed doing practical work so much.

Anyway, I'm back home now and looking for a job. No rest for the wicked, eh? And everyone knows that I'm pretty damned awesome!

During these holidays I am also hoping to film some comedy sketches I've jotted down, not to mention rekindle my love for writing. I know I've gone on and on about how I'm doing some writing, and I have plenty of ideas and half-written blog posts, but I just feel so apathetic about everything at the moment. Admittedly I have a lot on my mind, and some of them I can't see being solved anytime soon. What makes it worse is the fact that one is to do with a girl. I don't know if she knows her actions are breaking my heart, but as lame as it sounds, they are. If she reads this I want her to know that I care a huge amount about her and that I'm here for her.

On a happier note, it was my brother's prom on Friday, and boy did he look dapper! It feels like only yesterday that I was dolled up for my prom, all those centuries ago (make sure to leave comments telling me how young I look!), and to see my little baby brother all grown up - a man - was just...I can't express how proud I was that day. I'm still very proud of him. He's come a heck of a long way, and has been through a lot, and now he has finished his GCSEs and is ready to embark on his A levels.

I'll try and give you guys something to read/watch soon. In the meantime, keep smiling.


Sunday, 9 June 2013

Hungry? Fancy some brunch?


Are they serious?

So some of you know that I am in catered accommodation, and I am only too happy to remind anyone and everyone that I applied for self-catered and that I miss cooking and eating reasonably healthy meals that actually fill me up. I have paid £4,119.30 on this year's accommodation, which includes breakfast and dinner during weekdays (no lunch), and brunch and dinner during the weekend.

I thought I would just double check what brunch was, because I thought it counted for two meals, yet the brunch I received today cannot be considered that, surely.

"Brunch is a meal eaten between breakfast and lunch, and is a substitute for both these meals."

Claire needs food to function. This is not enough food for Claire to function. Brunch is supposed to be two meals in one...and not even ten minutes after eating that I was yelling at the clock to strike 5:30 so I could have dinner.

What do they take me for? A 10-year-old? I'm a big girl now!

I'm an ADULT!

Gahh, why did you have to remind me?! I'm getting old! Arrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At least I managed to fill my jar to the top with sugar from stealing sachets finally. I've now started filling a sandwich box. I'll let you know how that goes.

Sweet! Sugaarrr! Stolen from the caterers!
(I hope you read with the Queen song, FLASH in your head...)

I will steal ALL THE SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But yeah, seriously, let me know if this is what you would consider as decent food for 18-24 year olds to eat for...any meal. I personally think it's ridiculous. There was no cereal, no toast available... Just what I've got on that takeout tray.

Smeep kiling!


Follow me on Twitter @IBitThePiranha ...NOW!

Knitting for Rhinos!

A few months ago I decided to learn how to knit for a cause that I am particularly passionate about. The ivory trade has long since spir...