Sunday, 9 December 2012

My Thoughts On Marriage

So I'm not writing this for people to go all political or religious or whatever on me, I'm writing this to get people thinking. I understand people follow different religions or have just been brought up in a particular way...or just like the idea of marriage.

Me? I don't believe in marriage.

And it has nothing to do with my mum's divorce. Actually, maybe it has a little bit. It probably helped me open my eyes just that little bit more to the fact that you can't be 100% certain that a relationship is going to last forever. And also, divorce sucks. It takes too long (my brother and I were constantly nagging my mum, "Are you divorced yet?") and for couples divorcing where there is actual heartbreak involved, that must be AGONY. And then you have the whole talking through lawyers thing which can cost a BOMB, aaand...yeah. It's just nasty. I would much rather not get married, and then if my relationship breaks down and crumbles to nothing, we can just cut ties ASAP and go our separate ways; the end. And then we can heal quicker instead of sprinkling salt into our wounds.

Also, why do people who are in crappy relationships believe that a wedding will make it all better? You're wasting your money! Not all the pretty poetry in the world is going to make it better. You're just tying your hands behind your back and denying the fact that you're just not good together! And then it may seem great at first, but it will fall to shit, and then you will be going through the inevitable: divorce.

"But I've been in a relationship for ten years and it's still great." Well good for you. This brings me onto my next argument: If it's good, why tamper with it? Maybe it's going well because it's more chilled out - you're not putting pressure on one another to act a certain way, or to tie one another down. It's called freedom. I don't mean you're free to cheat or anything - you still need to commit - but you're not handcuffed to the person you love by a wedding ring. I don't know, maybe I'm the only one who thinks that marriage just adds pressure to a relationship. What do I know? I'm 18. But that's my thoughts.

I'm not saying, "I don't believe in marriage so I'm gonna hate everyone who's married". If you want to get married, go for it - I'm not going to judge you. I'm just saying that I don't believe in getting married. I don't understand it. Don't get me wrong, if we were still in the 1940s I would probably still want to get married because it was so much more...I dunno...romantic and classy and just...nice. These past few years marriage has been violated so much that the value of it has just flown out the window. Now it's just a piece of paper that people are so quick to sign. Slow down! Think about what you're doing first! Don't act then ask questions later - it's too late! Do you really want to be one of those people who has been married six times, like Henry VIII? And remember, you cannot legally kill off your spouses like he did! And then a lot of people who do get married... Oh lordy! How can a person have that much money to spend on...not even 24 hours of their life? Damn, I work as a waitress at a hotel where they do weddings, and I just look at the decorations, serve the food, look the bride up and down, and think, "Couldn't all this money be spent on something better?"

Maybe I'm just a cynic - a super cynic.

And this confuses me the most: it's all about the bride! What is with that? It's not just the bride's day - there are two people in this marriage! It's supposed to be a day which two people who love one another very much (or so it's supposed to be), so surely it's their day...well...half a day.

And then all that money - we're talking LOADS of money - is gone just like that. It's all done and dusted, quick as can be, and the newly-weds spend their first year of marriage in debt.

Wow.

And now I want to go to the other end of the spectrum: if you want to get married, you should be allowed to, whether you're a gay, straight, black, white, pink, dyslexic, have no hands, whatever. Discrimination's a bitch. So why discriminate? I just don't understand it. And why is it called a 'civil partnership'? No, just call it marriage! It's marriage! So what if it's two women or two guys? It's no one else's business except their own! How many babies are going to be eaten my piranhas because two men got married to each other? 0. How many...priests are going to melt because two women got married to each other? 0. Hell is NOT going to take over the world because of gays - we established that when we accepted them. If they want to get married and put gold handcuffs on their left ring fingers, they can be my guest.

I'm sorry for my outburst on here, but I just had to go on and on a little more than usual because I was waitressing like a doe-eyed waitress at a wedding last night, and all the other girls I work with were confused why I wasn't going all 'aww' at the pretty fairy lights and diamonds and candles going on in the room. So now, if someone asks me why I don't believe in marriage, I can save my breath and direct them right here.

I'll get more views that way as well *evil genius moment*

So let me know your views on marriage, because as I'm sure you can all figure, there is no wrong answer on this topic. And I'm not going to judge - everyone's entitled to their own opinion, right?

Keep smiling!


Claire

6 comments:

  1. Marriage is like anything else...it's good for some people and not good for others :)

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    1. It's just a pity it appears the latter is the majority... It's a shame!

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  2. Marriage is just a legally binding contract. As the popular saying goes, "Marriage: betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever."

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    1. Maybe that's why I don't want to get married - I hate gambling.

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  3. afraid I disagree with you on a few points here :(
    (but agree on a lot also! do not fret :) )

    I must first say I don't want you to feel as if this comment is a pure, trolly, disagreement... it's simply a summary of a different point of view (:

    I do hate to sound old fashioned; but I hope more than ever that chivalry isn't dead. It may seem to some girls as an easy get-out... or cliche', but to be honest, for a guy to be honestly and sincerely chivalrous, it does take more than a little bit of bollocks. Unless of course, he is love-drunk and the act (though sincere) is a little underplanned and poorly executed (but still not to be too discouraged!).

    every single living man on this planet has the same ridiculous thoughts about how he could impress the one girl that drives him crazy.

    I do like how you identified that marriage means different things to different people... Years ago, people understood the true meaning of marriage. but of course! time takes its toll and the material world makes its impression upon the masses.. sad times.

    Though for someone like yourself, I don't think you need worry. I think the person you fall in love with will undoubtedly have more morals than billy-sheep-common-guy.

    With regards to the day being all about the girl... I (being a guy as you have probably already worked out)feel thats absolutely right. Having touched upon what I thought may have been love, the thoughts do linger.. I would have given absolutely everything and taken nothing if it meant my girl had the time of her life and felt for one day that she was the most important person in the world. It shouldn't even be a sacrifice for the man, he should feel that's where she should be... all the time. Girls underestimate how much of an effect they can have on a guys concentration.

    I just think if you're to start sticking a price tag on everything, you're losing the game to commercialism and materialism :( of course we all know money and possessions aren't the best of all things.. yet we can't just quickly disregard them, they're an integral part to the majority of peoples lives and so are (unfortunately) sometimes used as a gauge of how sincere we are. I for one believe that if the girl I loved would seriously benefit from a material display of affection, such as a wedding day she's been planning ever since she saw her first Disney animation, It's worth moving with the abomination that is modern society and giving her what she would like, It's love for fucks sake!

    agh, maybe I am just old fashioned.
    or maybe I just don't really care what people think if I tried in vain to show the girl I loved quite how much I actually

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    1. Hey, thank you for your reply; you have some really interesting points there. Even if you were to say, "I think you are completely 100% wrong", it's fine - as I say, we are all entitled to our own opinions.

      I wish more people were like you: old-fashioned romantics. Maybe then I would perhaps reconsider marriage. But at times I feel like those people who DO still value marriage are taken advantage of a lot. Some girls allow guys to believe that they have the girl of their dreams just so they will spoil them rotten, and vice versa as well. Adultery is committed, arguments ensue, hearts are broken. It's not pretty.

      As for your views on the big day being about the girl, I completely understand why you want her to feel like the most important person in the world and it's cute, don't get me wrong, but I just feel the groom doesn't get enough credit. He's willing to do so much for the woman of his dreams, yet he's not really...I dunno...acknowledged for that? I dunno, maybe I'm just being naive.

      Regarding the idea of "sticking a price tag on everything", I just can't see how a person benefits from a wedding that cost thousands, especially when all you really need to get married are the rings, the bride and groom, a venue and witnesses. How are you going to "benefit" from starting married life broke, or in debt even? And what if it doesn't last? That's a heck of a lot of money you have lost, as well as losing half of everything through the divorce. It's ridiculous!

      I totally understand what your point is, and I hope all goes well for you in the future. But right now, either couples are giving up on their marriages too quickly or they are jumping into marriage too fast.

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